I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
