Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize