its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
she looked like the before picture.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize