I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
