my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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