my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
