he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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