i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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