So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
This is the high leading the old right now
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
