My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
