2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
