6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My bed smells like the plague
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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