I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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