That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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