If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize