well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
