we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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