How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
