HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
