I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
