really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
