We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
