if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
whose parrot is this?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize