His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
