Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
