I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
