Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
