I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize