If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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