You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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