Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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