if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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