On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
