Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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