i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
