Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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