So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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