I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
