whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
