I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize