toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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