Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
