Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
