he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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