god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
