I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
vagina is talking i cant
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
