I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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