You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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