We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
