Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
this hospital has no fireball
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Who died my cat blue again?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
