i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize