how can u be prego again
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
