Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
