ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
