since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
