Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
