weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
