Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
