Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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