Are we in a gay sports bar?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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