Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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