Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
