My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
