i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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