I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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