I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
