Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
