tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
