I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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