so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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