im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
