I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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