4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
