According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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