Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
