i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
