I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
