My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
