i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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