she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
