I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize