dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize