Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
