fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
