Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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