We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
