Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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