I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It was confusing and full of hummus
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
