my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
