i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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