fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
