Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
