So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
