Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just want to make out with him forever
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
