yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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