It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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