there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
