her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
