i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
