I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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