I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
